Spent the Week Crying... - Page 2 - Motorcycle-Journal Forums

ChicsterMG · 08-18-2005, 09:21 PM

As always Uncle Bob....Well said

QuacktheDuck · 08-18-2005, 09:53 PM

sigh...i just lost a good friend not too long ago. It does hurt alot and I didn't ride for a bit after, just couldn't muster it...but that's ok. Nothing worse than losing someone like that, and I truly am sorry to hear this. Give yourself time and talking to people does help immensely. You have my deepest condolences.

stp1971 · 08-18-2005, 11:09 PM

Hey girl,,, I am sorry to hear about that. I know it is hard for you and I have seen stuff like that in the military way too many times. I have even been close to being not here also way too many times. I didn't want to even drive again after that 155 mph head on collision in July 2003. I was shaken up for a long time and I had the nightmares almost every night for a while waking up to all the sounds and feelings of that impact.

But I will tell you this,, it does get better. Talk to people, talk to a priest, a pastor, a counselor, a therapist, fellow family members, and even the people here. The more I told my story, the more I got it out, the better I got.

I promise you that everything will work out and you will be ok,, but you will have to let the grieving period run its course. I was in a Dodge Duallie Diesel Ram 3500 and I felt invincible in that thing,,, who would've ever guessed I'd be hopping on a motorcycle and learning to ride on the streets???? Not me after that,, but you see I am.

I am confident that you will get the urge to ride again, and you will. But if you are not ready and you do not feel like it,,, that is perfectly ok. Don't rush it and whether you ride or not you are still a rider here!!!!! My thoughts are with you and your friends family..... Take care of yourself girl.

IntruderCruiser · 08-18-2005, 11:38 PM

I can't add anything to what has been said -- all good sound advice --

my prayers go out to you and to your friends family --

BigD · 08-19-2005, 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IntruderCruiser

I can't add anything to what has been said -- all good sound advice --

my prayers go out to you and to your friends family --

Same here.
May the Lord give you strength now and always.

nevanerviss · 08-19-2005, 08:22 AM

I thank all of you guys for condolences... You guys truly are the best... I just saw where I have a couple bruises on my chest and shoulder from where I got hit with his fairing... The hardest part is to know that we were riding safe; we did everything right and someone died... After I stopped sliding, I jumped up and after I saw that I was O.K., I was gonna go give him a piece of my mind for "throwing" his fairing at me and taking me down, but then when I saw him... Doc says that I went into shock and was totally unresponsive by the time the paramedics got there... Just kinda catatonic... We were NOT drinking, he was in full gear, and I was wearing full leather (cause it's sexy

), but even still, he's gone... I don't know for sure if he ran over something and his tire blew or if it was some kind of anomaly that it just erupted, all I know is that when it was all said and done, he didn't get up...

The guys were worried about the only girl in the pack, when they should have been looking after him... It wouldn't have made any difference though, and I just need to accept that... The guys in his club just got back on their bikes and are still riding... ME?? Well, let's just say that I have a ton of displaced anger going on... I'm mad at his bike, and mad at mine too... I am also mad at his club brothers cause they were looking after me and HE was the one that needed their attention... I know he was dead before I even hit the ground, but my disillusioned mind tells me that we could have done more... I haven't seen the pictures of the accident, but I did talk to the cops about the pics for insurance purposes... I just wish I could close my eyes and this will all go away, but that won't work (believe me, I tried)...

Again, I thank you guys from the bottom of my heart...

**Louis** · 08-19-2005, 09:11 AM

Sorry to hear about you friend Toni, condolences to you and your friend's family.

Glad you are okay and of course, feel free to express yourself here if it helps.

Friendly hugs and kisses.

oldfart1958 · 08-19-2005, 10:42 AM

I am new here Toni, but first I want to give you a big HUG >

< as I know you need many of them right now. And I want to tell you how sorry I am for you and for the family. My prayors go out to you both.

I was an EMT for years, dealt with a lot of death, one thing I found that helped me was to talk it out with those who were there. Guys tend to bottle things up, don't you do that nor allow the others to, it can eat you up inside. Talking it out with those who experienced it can really help.

I am glad to see you are going to talk with someone, that is the best thing you can do. As to the riding, like it has been said, that is up to you.. Give it time, dont think or worry about that, work on your physical and mental healing first. You have many friends here to help you, even if it is just a shoulder to cry on..

Hugs again..... >

< and may God bless..

nevanerviss · 08-19-2005, 01:33 PM

Conventional wisdom says "Get over it..." And I would had I not actually SEEN it happen... I guess I feel guilty because I walked away without a scratch... I just keep seeing it and hearing it over and over again... I hear the tire blow, hear the impact and actually FEEL his fairing hit me and knock me off my bike... That's what's so hard to get past... I keep re-living it... I had to send my daughter to my ex-husband's house because everytime I look at her, I start to cry and think to myself, "I NEED to be O.K., I NEED to get it together for her..." Right now, I'm no good to my own daughter... She has cried with me, and is encouraging me to ride again, and even offered to "teach" me all over again... My license plates "miraculously" wound up back on my bikes, and, this morning, she "forced" me to sit on the one I crashed on, but I couldn't bring myself to turn the key... It's funny how a 13 year old kid has more "intestinal fortitude" (guts) than a 35 year old grown-up... I love her SO SO SO much...

**Trapper** · 08-19-2005, 01:48 PM

You're lucky to have her.

nevanerviss · 08-19-2005, 02:33 PM

She is my best-est friend in the whole wide world... If anyone can give me the strength to get through this, she will... The funeral is tomorrow, so I have to ride for that, and she said she will ride with me... I'm glad she still believes in me enough to get on the back of my bike...

**Clint** · 08-19-2005, 02:33 PM

I wouldn't say you need to "get over it". You need to take the time to deal with it and file it away in your life's archives. You'll know soon enough whether riding is in your future. Good luck in this tough time.

Nexus242 · 08-19-2005, 06:30 PM

Don't feel guilty you surived, feel happy you did. This was an unavoidable and unexpected series of events that resulted in your friends death and your accident. I hope you can stop the "what if's' and could haves, should haves and would haves they will only delay your moarning and healing process. And to parapharse the movie Top Gun "If you ride bikes long enough, something like this happens to you. No one escapes it. It touches us all." You've got to let it and him go.

It's up to you to ride again or not, I personally hope you do.

Gixxxer750 · 08-19-2005, 11:18 PM

sorry to hear, hope you recover soon

Mavman · 08-20-2005, 12:09 AM

Tony,

I did one-on-one patient care in a trauma hospital for seven years. Along with what everyone else has said......just remember it was an accident. Keep your support system and people to talk to near by for as long as you need. I hope you go back to riding, but maybe putting it up for a time might be best for now and remember........we at this forum, I'm sure are alway going to be here for you.

Thoughts and prayers to you.

Mavman

georgia_boy · 08-21-2005, 04:04 PM

nevanerviss,

Well I am very new here (have never even been on a bike actually, but working on that) but I want you to know you have my sympathies as well as the family of the fallen rider. I know you say youare mad at the bike itself and I cant really say I blame you. Death is not something you can just "get over" it takes time and attention just to be able to work up to admitting that a life was lost. It took me a while to even comprehend what had happened when my Father was taken from me and I am still far from over it.
I dont know about anybody else but I think it is a good thing you did put up your helmet for a little while. It takes intence focus and concentration to ride n two wheels shen the rest of the world belives you are invisible or just some nut hooligan bent on self distruction and you need to be at the top of your game each and every time you strap on your helmet.

As for getting help and talking about the acident, please do. Yes there are a lot of people who cinsider seeing a therapist a sign of weakness but they are far from the truth. Talking helps, so does time, but it is all about acceptance. Once you can accept this maby then you can move on but you definately do not need to push yourself into acceptance. Bottling up emotions is a terrible thing to do.
I do hope that one day you can get back on your bike and you can ride again. It would be sad to loose you even if I do not know you. Know that my prayer are with you and the family through this troubling time (yea now I sound like a preacher)

nevanerviss · 08-22-2005, 09:02 AM

I went to the funeral on Saturday, and cried with his family... They told me not to worry as this was not my fault and that they were glad I was O.K. I took my daughter with me and she was happy that I decided to ride in the funeral percession... I cried during the entire funeral, and on the entire ride to the cemetary... My daughter was a trooper, though... All the bikers that were there that night were there and were a comfort to me, too... What really hurt though, was when we went back to their clubhouse and the club retired his colors and the key to the bike he was riding... After that, I had to get a friend to drive me home, and someone else rode my bike to my house for me, cause I just couldn't bring myself to get on it and go home... Even though I could not have stopped this from happening, I still feel like somehow, I could have had a better attitude... Since I jumped up immediately afterwards and was gonna yell at him for "throwing" his fairing at me, my frame of mind was that he was O.K. too, but when I saw that he wasn't, all I can think of is at the moment he died, as I was sliding I was thinking, "When I get up I'm gonna kick his @$$ for throwing sh*t at me!!!" I did NOT think to myself, "I hope he's alright..." or "Is anyone else hurt?" I can still feel the impact of being hit with his fairing, the impact of hitting the ground and the feel of sliding... I know it may sound bad, but I'm kinda jealous cause he died instantly, upon impact, so he doesn't know what I felt, but I'm glad about it at the same time... If he had felt what I felt, then he would be here right now to talk about it just as I am...

I got up on Sunday morning to walk out into the garage and see my daughter washing my bikes for me... (I love her SO SO much) She said that she wanted me to take her for a ride... I know what she's trying to do, and I appreciate it, but I'm just not feeling it... I can't keep telling her no, though, cause what I'm feeling right now will pale in comparison to "The Wrath of Taylor" (Muwah-ha ha ha) She knows what riding means to me and how much I love it or maybe she's just damned tired of me moping around the house... I don't know which it is, but I'm glad she's here... She drew a happy face on my swollen knee

She also noticed that the bike I went down on didn't have a prayer bell on it, but my other one did, so she went to the dollar store, bought a regular old fishing bell, prayed over it, and slept with it under her pillow, and then put it on the other bike... I FEEL SAFER ALREADY!!!!

You guys have NO idea how much I love her!!!! She's gonna force me to ride again, whether I want to or not, and I'll thank her for it forever...

Now, if only I could stop seeing, hearing, and feeling what happened...

**Louis** · 08-22-2005, 09:48 AM

Toni, looks like a great kid you have there. You did a great job raising her.

oldgeezer · 08-22-2005, 10:04 AM

What a sweet girl. Give her a big hug from all of us.

SVZuki · 08-22-2005, 10:12 AM

Hey, I am so sorry for what you have been through. As everyone else said, the key is to talk about it; otherwise it will bottle up inside and eventually overflow. If you need someone local to talk to just PM me and ill see if we can't meet up. Where did this happen? I would like to know so I can go lay flowers on the Highway. The physical wounds will heal in time, as will the emotional scars. take care.

08-18-2005, 09:21 PM	#21 (permalink)
ChicsterMG M-J Master Poster Join Date: May 2005 Bike: Boulevard C50 Location: NEPA Posts: 3,737	As always Uncle Bob....Well said __________________ Sometimes you need to ask yourself, "WWGD?"...Just be awesome, that's all!

08-18-2005, 11:09 PM	#23 (permalink)
stp1971 May 2007 Member of the month Join Date: Mar 2005 Bike: 2004 Suzuki Intruder 1500LC Location: Douglasville, Georgia Posts: 7,966	Hey girl,,, I am sorry to hear about that. I know it is hard for you and I have seen stuff like that in the military way too many times. I have even been close to being not here also way too many times. I didn't want to even drive again after that 155 mph head on collision in July 2003. I was shaken up for a long time and I had the nightmares almost every night for a while waking up to all the sounds and feelings of that impact. But I will tell you this,, it does get better. Talk to people, talk to a priest, a pastor, a counselor, a therapist, fellow family members, and even the people here. The more I told my story, the more I got it out, the better I got. I promise you that everything will work out and you will be ok,, but you will have to let the grieving period run its course. I was in a Dodge Duallie Diesel Ram 3500 and I felt invincible in that thing,,, who would've ever guessed I'd be hopping on a motorcycle and learning to ride on the streets???? Not me after that,, but you see I am. I am confident that you will get the urge to ride again, and you will. But if you are not ready and you do not feel like it,,, that is perfectly ok. Don't rush it and whether you ride or not you are still a rider here!!!!! My thoughts are with you and your friends family..... Take care of yourself girl. __________________ No Signature needed.

08-19-2005, 08:22 AM	#26 (permalink)
nevanerviss Kickstand Operator Join Date: May 2005 Bike: '03 Marauder & '95 Katana Location: Detroit, Michigan Posts: 266	I thank all of you guys for condolences... You guys truly are the best... I just saw where I have a couple bruises on my chest and shoulder from where I got hit with his fairing... The hardest part is to know that we were riding safe; we did everything right and someone died... After I stopped sliding, I jumped up and after I saw that I was O.K., I was gonna go give him a piece of my mind for "throwing" his fairing at me and taking me down, but then when I saw him... Doc says that I went into shock and was totally unresponsive by the time the paramedics got there... Just kinda catatonic... We were NOT drinking, he was in full gear, and I was wearing full leather (cause it's sexy ), but even still, he's gone... I don't know for sure if he ran over something and his tire blew or if it was some kind of anomaly that it just erupted, all I know is that when it was all said and done, he didn't get up... The guys were worried about the only girl in the pack, when they should have been looking after him... It wouldn't have made any difference though, and I just need to accept that... The guys in his club just got back on their bikes and are still riding... ME?? Well, let's just say that I have a ton of displaced anger going on... I'm mad at his bike, and mad at mine too... I am also mad at his club brothers cause they were looking after me and HE was the one that needed their attention... I know he was dead before I even hit the ground, but my disillusioned mind tells me that we could have done more... I haven't seen the pictures of the accident, but I did talk to the cops about the pics for insurance purposes... I just wish I could close my eyes and this will all go away, but that won't work (believe me, I tried)... Again, I thank you guys from the bottom of my heart... __________________ Only a biker knows why dogs hang their heads out of car windows... R.I.P. Spoonee... Ride it like you stole it!!!

08-19-2005, 09:11 AM	#27 (permalink)
Louis Administrator Join Date: Sep 2003 Bike: SV650S '05 (Blue) Location: Gatineau, QC, Canada Posts: 10,689	Sorry to hear about you friend Toni, condolences to you and your friend's family. Glad you are okay and of course, feel free to express yourself here if it helps. Friendly hugs and kisses. __________________ Louis

08-19-2005, 10:42 AM	#28 (permalink)
oldfart1958 Seat Tester Join Date: Aug 2005 Bike: 1976 Suzuki RM 250 Location: Slave Lake Alberta Posts: 60	I am new here Toni, but first I want to give you a big HUG >< as I know you need many of them right now. And I want to tell you how sorry I am for you and for the family. My prayors go out to you both. I was an EMT for years, dealt with a lot of death, one thing I found that helped me was to talk it out with those who were there. Guys tend to bottle things up, don't you do that nor allow the others to, it can eat you up inside. Talking it out with those who experienced it can really help. I am glad to see you are going to talk with someone, that is the best thing you can do. As to the riding, like it has been said, that is up to you.. Give it time, dont think or worry about that, work on your physical and mental healing first. You have many friends here to help you, even if it is just a shoulder to cry on.. Hugs again..... >< and may God bless.. __________________ Have a great day and be safe.

08-18-2005, 09:53 PM	#22 (permalink)
QuacktheDuck Sprocket Pilot Join Date: May 2005 Bike: 2004 FZ6 Location: Torrance, CA Posts: 858	sigh...i just lost a good friend not too long ago. It does hurt alot and I didn't ride for a bit after, just couldn't muster it...but that's ok. Nothing worse than losing someone like that, and I truly am sorry to hear this. Give yourself time and talking to people does help immensely. You have my deepest condolences.

08-18-2005, 11:38 PM	#24 (permalink)
IntruderCruiser TurtleWax Taster Join Date: Jun 2005 Bike: 2003 Intruder 1500 Posts: 585	I can't add anything to what has been said -- all good sound advice -- my prayers go out to you and to your friends family --

08-19-2005, 01:33 PM	#29 (permalink)
nevanerviss Kickstand Operator Join Date: May 2005 Bike: '03 Marauder & '95 Katana Location: Detroit, Michigan Posts: 266	Conventional wisdom says "Get over it..." And I would had I not actually SEEN it happen... I guess I feel guilty because I walked away without a scratch... I just keep seeing it and hearing it over and over again... I hear the tire blow, hear the impact and actually FEEL his fairing hit me and knock me off my bike... That's what's so hard to get past... I keep re-living it... I had to send my daughter to my ex-husband's house because everytime I look at her, I start to cry and think to myself, "I NEED to be O.K., I NEED to get it together for her..." Right now, I'm no good to my own daughter... She has cried with me, and is encouraging me to ride again, and even offered to "teach" me all over again... My license plates "miraculously" wound up back on my bikes, and, this morning, she "forced" me to sit on the one I crashed on, but I couldn't bring myself to turn the key... It's funny how a 13 year old kid has more "intestinal fortitude" (guts) than a 35 year old grown-up... I love her SO SO SO much... __________________ Only a biker knows why dogs hang their heads out of car windows... R.I.P. Spoonee... Ride it like you stole it!!!

08-19-2005, 01:48 PM	#30 (permalink)
Trapper Dogs Best Friend(admin) Join Date: Jul 2004 Bike: SOLD Location: Moncton NB Canada Posts: 9,772	You're lucky to have her. __________________ Motorcycle-Journal.com Blog

08-19-2005, 02:33 PM	#31 (permalink)
nevanerviss Kickstand Operator Join Date: May 2005 Bike: '03 Marauder & '95 Katana Location: Detroit, Michigan Posts: 266	She is my best-est friend in the whole wide world... If anyone can give me the strength to get through this, she will... The funeral is tomorrow, so I have to ride for that, and she said she will ride with me... I'm glad she still believes in me enough to get on the back of my bike... __________________ Only a biker knows why dogs hang their heads out of car windows... R.I.P. Spoonee... Ride it like you stole it!!!

08-19-2005, 02:33 PM	#32 (permalink)
Clint Gainfully employed Join Date: Dec 2003 Bike: 2002 Bandit 1200 S Location: St. Cloud, MN, USA Posts: 20,121	I wouldn't say you need to "get over it". You need to take the time to deal with it and file it away in your life's archives. You'll know soon enough whether riding is in your future. Good luck in this tough time. __________________ 'Busa shock, Racetech forks, Holeshot stage 1 & pipe, Hella headlights, CBRXX clipons, Givi bags, Zumo 550, Conti Road Attacks \| Symtec grip heat Arai Signet GTR \| Joe Rocket Meteor boots, Alter Ego pants, jacket \| Alpinestars SP-1 gloves \| Hanes boxer-briefs Gems for motorcyclists

08-19-2005, 06:30 PM	#33 (permalink)
Nexus242 Can Ride And Chew Gum Join Date: Aug 2004 Bike: yellow and black Location: Wide awake in dreamland... Posts: 1,935	Don't feel guilty you surived, feel happy you did. This was an unavoidable and unexpected series of events that resulted in your friends death and your accident. I hope you can stop the "what if's' and could haves, should haves and would haves they will only delay your moarning and healing process. And to parapharse the movie Top Gun "If you ride bikes long enough, something like this happens to you. No one escapes it. It touches us all." You've got to let it and him go. It's up to you to ride again or not, I personally hope you do. __________________ The killer in me is the killer in you My love I send this smile over to you...Smashing Pumpkins

08-19-2005, 11:18 PM	#34 (permalink)
Gixxxer750 Clunked into first gear Join Date: May 2005 Bike: 2005 Suzuki GSX-R750 Location: Red Deer, AB Posts: 233	sorry to hear, hope you recover soon __________________ "Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handlebars to the saddle." Rockin' a hot 2005 GSX-R750 with the new colour scheme, only one in Red Deer.

08-21-2005, 04:04 PM	#36 (permalink)
georgia_boy Newbie Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 3	nevanerviss, Well I am very new here (have never even been on a bike actually, but working on that) but I want you to know you have my sympathies as well as the family of the fallen rider. I know you say youare mad at the bike itself and I cant really say I blame you. Death is not something you can just "get over" it takes time and attention just to be able to work up to admitting that a life was lost. It took me a while to even comprehend what had happened when my Father was taken from me and I am still far from over it. I dont know about anybody else but I think it is a good thing you did put up your helmet for a little while. It takes intence focus and concentration to ride n two wheels shen the rest of the world belives you are invisible or just some nut hooligan bent on self distruction and you need to be at the top of your game each and every time you strap on your helmet. As for getting help and talking about the acident, please do. Yes there are a lot of people who cinsider seeing a therapist a sign of weakness but they are far from the truth. Talking helps, so does time, but it is all about acceptance. Once you can accept this maby then you can move on but you definately do not need to push yourself into acceptance. Bottling up emotions is a terrible thing to do. I do hope that one day you can get back on your bike and you can ride again. It would be sad to loose you even if I do not know you. Know that my prayer are with you and the family through this troubling time (yea now I sound like a preacher)

08-22-2005, 09:02 AM	#37 (permalink)
nevanerviss Kickstand Operator Join Date: May 2005 Bike: '03 Marauder & '95 Katana Location: Detroit, Michigan Posts: 266	I went to the funeral on Saturday, and cried with his family... They told me not to worry as this was not my fault and that they were glad I was O.K. I took my daughter with me and she was happy that I decided to ride in the funeral percession... I cried during the entire funeral, and on the entire ride to the cemetary... My daughter was a trooper, though... All the bikers that were there that night were there and were a comfort to me, too... What really hurt though, was when we went back to their clubhouse and the club retired his colors and the key to the bike he was riding... After that, I had to get a friend to drive me home, and someone else rode my bike to my house for me, cause I just couldn't bring myself to get on it and go home... Even though I could not have stopped this from happening, I still feel like somehow, I could have had a better attitude... Since I jumped up immediately afterwards and was gonna yell at him for "throwing" his fairing at me, my frame of mind was that he was O.K. too, but when I saw that he wasn't, all I can think of is at the moment he died, as I was sliding I was thinking, "When I get up I'm gonna kick his @$$ for throwing sh*t at me!!!" I did NOT think to myself, "I hope he's alright..." or "Is anyone else hurt?" I can still feel the impact of being hit with his fairing, the impact of hitting the ground and the feel of sliding... I know it may sound bad, but I'm kinda jealous cause he died instantly, upon impact, so he doesn't know what I felt, but I'm glad about it at the same time... If he had felt what I felt, then he would be here right now to talk about it just as I am... I got up on Sunday morning to walk out into the garage and see my daughter washing my bikes for me... (I love her SO SO much) She said that she wanted me to take her for a ride... I know what she's trying to do, and I appreciate it, but I'm just not feeling it... I can't keep telling her no, though, cause what I'm feeling right now will pale in comparison to "The Wrath of Taylor" (Muwah-ha ha ha) She knows what riding means to me and how much I love it or maybe she's just damned tired of me moping around the house... I don't know which it is, but I'm glad she's here... She drew a happy face on my swollen knee She also noticed that the bike I went down on didn't have a prayer bell on it, but my other one did, so she went to the dollar store, bought a regular old fishing bell, prayed over it, and slept with it under her pillow, and then put it on the other bike... I FEEL SAFER ALREADY!!!! You guys have NO idea how much I love her!!!! She's gonna force me to ride again, whether I want to or not, and I'll thank her for it forever... Now, if only I could stop seeing, hearing, and feeling what happened... __________________ Only a biker knows why dogs hang their heads out of car windows... R.I.P. Spoonee... Ride it like you stole it!!!

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08-22-2005, 09:48 AM	#38 (permalink)
Louis Administrator Join Date: Sep 2003 Bike: SV650S '05 (Blue) Location: Gatineau, QC, Canada Posts: 10,689	Toni, looks like a great kid you have there. You did a great job raising her. __________________ Louis

08-22-2005, 10:04 AM	#39 (permalink)
oldgeezer Handlebar Consultant Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Texas Posts: 646	What a sweet girl. Give her a big hug from all of us. __________________ Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, d!ckheads--they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

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