Horse Terms

[Uncle B]

HORSE TERMS

Hock: Financial condition of all horse owner.

Stall: What your rig does at rush hour in an unfamiliar city on the way to a big horse show

A Bit: What you have left in your pocket after you've been to your favorite tack shop.

Fence: Decorative structure built to provide your horse with something to chew on.

Horse Auction: What you think of having after your horse bucks you off.

Pinto: Green coat pattern found on freshly washed light colored horses left unattended for 2 minutes.

Well Mannered: Hasn't stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week.

Rasp: Abrasive metal tool used to remove excess skin from ones knuckles.

Lunging: Popular training method in which a horse exercises their owner by spinning them in circles until dizzy.

Gallop: Customary gait a horse chooses when returning back to the barn.

Nicely Started: Lunges, but not enough health insurance to even think about riding him.

Colic: Gastrointestinal result of eating at horse fair food stands.

Colt: What your mare gives you when you want a filly.

Easy to Load: Only takes 3 hours, 4 men, a 50lb bag of oats, and a tractor with loader.

Easy to Catch: In a 10x10 stall.

Easy Rider: Rides good in a trailer; not to be confused with "ride-able".

Endurance Ride: End result when your horse spooks and runs away with you.

Hives: What you get when receive the vet bill for your 6 horses, 3 dogs, 4 cats, and 1 donkey.

Hobbles: Walking gait of a horse owner after their foot has been stepped on by their horse.

Feed: Expensive substance used to manufacture manure.

Dog House: What you are in when you spend too much money on grooming supplies and pretty halters.

Light Cribber: We can't afford to build anymore fencing or box stalls for this buzz saw on four legs.

Three Gaited Horse: A horse that. 1) trips, 2) stumbles, 3) falls.

THE 12 "MOST IMPORTANT" THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU OWN A HORSE.

To induce labor in a mare? Take a nap.

To cure equine constipation? Load them in a clean trailer.

To cure equine insomnia? Take them in a halter class.

To get a horse to stay very calm and laid back? Enter them in a liberty class.

To get a horse to wash their own feet? Clean the water trough and fill it with fresh water.

To get a mare to come in heat? Take her to a show.

To get a mare in foal the first cover? Let the wrong stallion get out of his stall.

To make sure that a mare has that beautiful, perfectly marked foal you always wanted? Sell her before she foals.

To get a show horse to set up perfect and really stretch? Get him out late at night or anytime no one is a round to see him.

To make it rain? Mow a field of hay.

To make a small fortune in the horse business'? Start with a large one.

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