[Hardware]

I am so sorry to hear of another fallen rider and for your loss.

Don't second-guess any of your reactions - whether they were your thoughts while sliding along the pavement; or how your felt (or didn't feel) when you first learned of the fatality; or how you later felt about riding.

They were simply your reactions to what was a pretty abnormal situation. You cannot change what has happened but you can control (to a certain extent) how you cope with the present and future.

You are going to replay the event in your mind repeatedly - it was a very traumatic experience - it's completely normal.

See a mental health professional - it's nothing to be ashamed of at all.

Emergency workers are referred to mental health professionals on a regular basis. Some forward thinking agencies make it mandatory following a critical incident whereby all staff involved have to see a counsellor. This removes any stigma and even the most macho guys can say to their peers, "Well...we had to go..." - but at least they hopefully open up in private and get the help they require.

In case I wasn't clear enough before - see a mental health professional!

One other thing (and at the risk of offending) - your daughter sounds like she's incredible - however you are the mother.

She's providing support, but don't lean on her too much. Never treat her like a peer that you can confide in. She will always be your daughter and never blur that role. Seek solace from her as a daughter ONLY, seek solace from other close friends as peers.

What do I mean by that? Take her for a ride, give/get hugs to/from her but do not discuss the incident or your worst feelings in depth with her. She's a 13 year old kid. Try not to cry in front of her. Go get drunk with close friends and cry/confide/swear/unload to them. Discuss your worst fears with a mental health professional.

...and one last thing...in case I wasn't clear enough before - see a mental health professional!

As for riding - there's no right/wrong decision. It's what will feel right to you.

I once met a guy who'd been in a pretty bad bike wreck and was told he would never ride again and might not walk. Well, he was walking and riding pretty damn well when I met him. He told me however that the night before any bike tour, he would basically be up all night long, vomitting, he was so nervous. As soon as he swung his leg over the bike in the morning however - he was fine.

Don't let anyone tell you that you either should or shouldn't ride. No one else can make that decision for you.

Either way, keep us posted. Always keep in mind that there's a lot of brother and sister riders around the world thinking of you.